KRAMER vs KRAMER

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KRAMER vs. KRAMER

Walking into a room of glass with the feet of an elephant.

 Nothing to say if every time the court decides to accept the motives of a father who, in good faith, requires you to be able to exercise the right / duty to be the guide and the comfort of their child, and often for reasons of revenge on the part of the ex-wife is denied by abusing its dominant position in relation to the child. I will not write anything more than what has been written or will be written into the merits of the case made ​​the child picked up from school by police officers and by his father.

I do not want to judge the work of the judges, which as they are forced to work, so observe the facts’ as presented to him on maps by the attorneys and witnesses, even the cops who are forced to carry out the order, it let alone the press, quite often committed to making their deadline rather than worrying about what may happen to the heart of the small child and permanent damage that child will have for the rest of his life. I just want to pause and reflect how bad we can be at certain times to the people most vulnerable and sensitive to their particular period of life and age.

I know all too well the suffering of thousands of separated fathers, which would continue to be, but they are hindered by the rancor of ex-wives who use the classic psychological levers to avoid it. In 2006, with the arrival shared custody laws things seemed to have arrived at a solution to this problem. Until then, in fact, only ten per cent of children were managed jointly by separate parties, the remainder were victims of the strife and hatred by the adult and held hostage, but the judges relied as much as 90% of the cases on the mothers. Today, fortunately, shared custody is entitled to three out of four children, nearly a quarter remains entrusted to mothers, and less than two percent for fathers.

The big problem is that the shared custody often fails with the problems of residual friction between the former spouses, and are cross with you when you try to pay the shame of abandonment using the children as hostage. Violence in the pure state, improperly used in some small matter to collect satisfaction for revenge on the father without considering that to pay the higher price is the son, who loves his parents in equal measure, and these scenarios, the war-fare between the former spouses contributes simply to weaken its self-esteem and lose enthusiasm for its existence even though the child is already sad for the loss of the family and the security of a united family. The minor children, separated from a parent total a million more than the population of large Italian cities, and that tomorrow there will be an army of teenagers growing up, we will submit the bill undoubtedly, let us set rules even now, because that account could be very salty.

We often go to court for the separation with the desire to claim our rights, which almost always represent the economic factors without first ensuring the emotional safety of the children.  Later on after the separation, trying to find happiness, albeit hastily, meeting another person, forgetting to elaborate profoundly the mechanisms that have deteriorated in our hearts and minds the effect of the separation, instigating revenge also of the abandoned spouse, sometimes can be an uneasy thing.

It hardly doesn’t follow, if even justified by an emotional reaction, the treatment path necessary for understanding, acceptance and overcoming one of the largest causes of human trauma, emotional and family separation.  So if it is true, as I wrote above, that you are creating armies of unhappy children, children of separated parents. It is equally true that they are and will be more and more separated parents with symptomatic disorders that will weigh on the company’s functional budget.

Returning to the central issue, we all know that it is too difficult to ensure the safety of our children in such cases, especially when we are absorbed by the problems that disrupt and overwhelm our stability.  They see their parents fight, beating or insulting each other and that is really unbearable for the children to even witness.  Sometimes causing the child to think that this is the proper way to treat your partner.  Notwithstanding that, the main inconvenience of this family is the sad ending for women, when separation occurs; the fathers are largely penalized in terms of emotional loss (because of being separated from their children as well as by the wives). There is also the economic problem, the news is filled with reports of fathers who have had to leave the family home, but do not have enough money to buy another, or even not to rent a place, because in the meantime, due to their “inefficiency” they have suffered by the loss of their jobs.

The emotional damages are devastating, there are some unnatural parents, some fathers for example, tend to shy away more from the issue (separation) almost wanting to deny the matter transpired.   Even if it is impossible to remove it, since the bond is written in nature. The news has often had to deal with mothers who have invented stories making it impossible to remove fathers from their children’s’ life. Another negative factor is the creation of the myth of the “monster” father who lives far away and they “care little or nothing about the children,” and are insensitive to the needs of their loved ones, and to whom is given all the blame of separation, neglect and lack of attention.   This element makes the children harbor a resentment which often results in hatred towards the father, and this becomes a definitive form of release. This attitude often leads the child to turn to their mothers’ family for emotional involvement that appears to complete the work of the child’s mental polarization.

The role of institutions.    He often joined the role of institutions in these human situations, which in their capacity as social aids, are forced to use ways that are reminiscent of ‘an elephant in the room of crystals to carry out the orders of the courts. The latter, trying to do well especially for the children, despite their best intentions, find themselves handling material as fragile as the human infant brain.

N.B. For the sake of respect for the parents and the child to whom the unfortunate fate, has not very benevolent, the greater good has been removed in the warmth and affection of their parents, I decided not to publish the photos and even video of this sad story. If there are any of you that desire to see them, feel free to do so through the network, but not for my work.

ALESSANDRO SICURO

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